A Toast

I roll the mat out onto the hardwood floor. The warmth of the room from the last heated yoga class still lingers, and it’s a bit too much. I gather a bolster, a strap, and some blocks and stretch out on the floor. Sighing, I close my eyes and take in the soft music playing overhead. Thoughts swirl in my head and I try to just notice and let them go as meditation has taught me, on this New Year’s Eve morning. Easier said than done.

I don’t typically make new year’s resolutions, as they seem to represent the patterns, habits, or other things we claim we are going to transform, only to spend the next weeks searching for self-compassion when we don’t. But for some reason this year, I am more reflective.

As time passes, our lives are comprised of an incalculable number of experiences. One day melding into the next, broken by a night that can sometimes feel either too long or too short.

“This world is not for the faint of heart.” My dear friend Laura would say, another New Year’s Eve passing by without her here.

Some beings have come into the world this year and others have left us…some even long before 2023. The ticking of the clock at the stroke of midnight reminding us that yet another moment is taking us further from the last time that we saw them. Fate and circumstance force us to change things up even when we don’t want to.

As I lay quietly, I remember the quote, “What is it you want to do with your one wild and precious life?” by Mary Oliver. As inspiring as it is, even that feels like too much today.

Maybe we don’t always need fanfare or even extraordinary. Maybe we can write our dreams down on a napkin while we eat toast. Being soft…or fierce...or sad…or happy, whatever is needed in the moment.

A whole year has gone by, and many things have transpired. Maybe there has been suffering, or something to endure. For others, there may have been deep perseverance in the face of something hard. Or possibly there has been a tremendous success or an incredible joy. Maybe a baby has come into one’s life…and maybe a child has been lost.  

I know not to waste time. Life is fragile and unpredictable at times. But making the most of our moments might involve a lot more than accomplishing goals or losing twenty pounds.

Maybe it’s a little more about noticing. Not only what is outside of us, but also what is inside. Can we be real and honest with ourselves and honor what we really feel? Even if it makes us unpopular or causes upheaval or change. Can we give ourselves permission to rest when we need to and really listen to our internal compass?

I have come to believe that our soul inherently knows what we need if we can quiet down long enough to listen. And if we take a momentary pause between the this and that of our lives, on a yoga mat, or with our back up against a tree, or stretched out flat on our bed…it will come.

The answers…and even the questions.

So on this new year, grab a glass and toast to yourself. Because no matter who you are, you have done hard things.

https://open.substack.com/pub/karincolecpclmt/p/a-toast?r=2b4fgr&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web